You're Going to Put That Where?
by MayetraWolfking
Summary: Chapter One: Legolas' wedding night takes an unexpected turn. Warning: Shameless Mary Sue. Complete


Title: You're Going To Put That Where? 1/3  
  
Author: May and Hedda  
  
Website: http:torturedscribes.feybles.com

Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: We make no claim to any copyrighted material in this story with the exception of those we have created. All Lord of the Rings characters, places, things, etc. belong to the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. We are just borrowing them for our own twisted amusement and promised to return them just as they were. We are making no money from this fic.  
  
Beta: Jay Foppins III  
  
Cast: Legolas/Mary Sue  
  
Timeline: AU/Post The Return of the King  
  
Author's Note: Vordolwen is a name we found at the Barrow-Down's Name Generator. We typed in Mary Sue and that is what came up. It means Pointy- Eared Ranger.  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Summary: Legolas' wedding night takes an unexpected turn.

Chapter One: Love, Heroics, and Wedding Bells  
  
_Everyone thought that Legolas and Vordolwen were perfect for each other. No one could miss the love that blossomed between the two Elves amid the gardens and waterfalls of Imladris. It seemed only natural that the Heir of Mirkwood should join with the youngest daughter of Elrond. No one was surprised when Vordolwen courageously joined The Fellowship even though it nearly broke her father's heart. Vordolwen was his favorite child being the baby of the family.  
_  
_She proved to be a vital asset saving not only Legolas' life but Aragorn's as well. He was after all her future brother-in-law. At Parth Galen she save Boromir's life by catching the first arrow shot at him in her teeth and then threw it back thus killing the Uruk-hai who had fired the shot. Her skill with a bow cast fear into the hearts of Orc and Men alike on the Pelennor Fields. She bravely snuck into the heart of Mount Doom in search of Frodo and Sam. Had she not been there, Sauron may have won the day. But because of the purity of her heart, she was able to wrestle the One Ring away from Frodo and cast it into the Fires of Mount Doom thus saving the creature Gollum and delivering Frodo from the wretched control of the vile ring. Her tears washed away the stain of corruption that lay upon Gollum and he was magically transformed back into the Hobbit Sméagol.  
_  
_Then as Frodo, Sam, Sméagol, and Vordolwen made their way down the mountain an unexpected horror befell them. A Nazgûl ambushed them in an attempt to revenge his Master. Only through the selfless act of throwing herself on its sword was Vordolwen able to save Frodo, having at the last possible second stabbed the foul beast through its black heart with a dagger made from a left-over shard of The Sword That Was Broken But Had Been Reforged.  
_  
_As she laid there, her lifeblood draining from her, Legolas rushed to her side. Knowing that her time was short he sent forth a heart-wrenching plea to the Valar to spare the keeper of his heart. Because of all of her heroic deeds Manwë, himself, came forth and healed her with a touch of his hand. Legolas' joy was such that he dropped to one knee and begged Vordolwen to do him the honor of becoming his wife. She accepted with much humility. Their wedding was held in conjunction with King Elessar and Arwen. Everyone agreed that Vordolwen made a beautiful bride.  
_  
  
Legolas stared at the closed bathroom door and wondered what could possibly be taking so long. His new bride had been in there for well over an hour. Finally, the door opened a crack and he heard her melodic voice as she asked him to blow out all the candles.  
  
"Nay, My Love for I wish to see you in all your beautiful glory. You outshine the stars and even the Ithil." Legolas said in an attempt to calm his new bride's fears.  
  
"As you wish, My Heart." Vordolwen opened the door fully and stepped shyly into the candle-lit room. The long, white, semi-transparent nightshift swirled gracefully about her body, revealing as it concealed.  
  
Legolas felt his heartbeat quicken and his elfhood stiffen at the lovely sight of his beloved. "You are magnificent."  
  
Vordolwen blushed prettily and stepped lithely to the bed.  
  
Legolas smiled warmly and motioned for her to remove her nightshift. "I would see all of you, Beloved."  
  
Vordolwen hesitated but her love for Legolas was such that she could not deny him his pleasure. Swallowing her fear, she untied the laces at the neckline of her gown and let it slid from her body to land in a satin heap at her dainty feet.  
  
Legolas lifted the covers and patted the bed next to him. "Come, My Love."  
  
Vordolwen stared modestly down at the space next to Legolas before letting her eyes travel to his nude body now uncovered. Her eyes widened as she saw the evidence of his desire. Having never seen a naked male before she felt fear snake its way down her spine.  
  
"Legolas?" She hesitated. "What exactly are we going to do?" Her voice trembled.  
  
Legolas' smile grew broader as he leered at his naked wife. "Come here and I'll show you."  
  
Vordolwen trusted Legolas and did as he bid, secure in the knowledge that he would never hurt her.  
  
Legolas pulled her into his embrace and whispered in graphic detail all of the things that he was going to do to her.  
  
Vordolwen's eyes soon took on the look of a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming semi. "You're going to put that where?" Her voice shook with outrage. "I don't think so, Mister."  
  
Before Legolas could fathom what was happening, Vordolwen bolted from the bed, grabbed her gown in mid-flight and locked herself in the bathroom.  
  
He was suddenly regretting that he hadn't listened to Gimli's sage advice against taking a wife.  
  
Ithil – The Moon (Sindarin)  
  
End Chapter One

Chapters 2 and 3 cross over into the realm of NC-17. Out of respect for Fan Fiction.net policies we will not post them here. They can be found at our website: http:torturedscribes.feybles.com


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